Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed these psychological "tasks":

关于“是什么使婚姻美满”的研究表明，那些拥有幸福婚姻的人们往往已经完成了这些心理“任务”。

1 Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.

在感情上与你成长的家庭分开；不要到产生隔阂的地步，但要足以使你的身份独立于你的父母和兄弟姐妹。

2 Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner's autonomy.

在相互的亲昵和一致的基础上建立归属感，但同时也要设定一些界限来保障每一个成员的自主权。

3 Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.

建立一种丰富而又愉快的性关系，并保护其免受繁杂工作和家庭义务的干扰。

4 For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby's entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.

对于有孩子的夫妻，坦然地接受父母这样的严峻角色，消化掉因宝宝的出现而对婚姻生活造成的影响。夫妻双方还要学会继续保护自己和配偶的隐私。

5 Confront and master the inevitable crises of life.

共同面对和掌控生活中不可避免的危机。

6 Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.

在面对逆境时保持婚姻关系的稳定。婚姻应当是一个安全的港湾，在这里夫妻之间可以表达他们的不同观点、忿怒和冲突。

7 Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.

通过幽默和笑声来对待事情，避免厌倦和孤立。

8 Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partnerís needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.

扶持和安慰彼此，满足彼此依恋的需求，并提供持续性的鼓励和支持。

9 Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

随着时间的流逝，即使面对理性的现实，也要保持年轻时候一颗浪漫的心和坠入爱河时美好的憧憬。

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