Now, listen up, you foreigner boys and girls, Chinese New Year is around the corner and I want to talk to you seriously about chickenfeet, sea cucumbers and firecrackers。

　　外国朋友们，现在请注意：中国的春节就要来了。在这里，我想严肃地和你们说说鸡爪、海参和烟花爆竹的事情。

　　As a Chinese,I want to be honest with you。

　　作为一名中国人，我想要对你诚实。

　　For the past30 years, we have opened up to the West, and welcomed foreigners like yourselves to come here to do business, to make money, evengave you some easy credit to let you buy real estate, marry ourwomen, whatever。

　　在过去的30年里，我们向西方国家敞开大门，欢迎像你们一样的外国人来此经商、赚钱，甚至放松信贷允许你们购买不动产，迎娶中国女性等等。

　　But this doesnot make you Chinese. There are things we reserve for ourselves,and it really doesn't matter how long you have been here, justdon't assume you can be one of us, and don't touch the followingthree things:

　　但这些并不表示你成为了一名中国人。有很多事情我们只为自己保留。不管你来中国多久，都不要假设自己已经成为我们中的一员，更不要触及以下3件事情：

　　Most of you are well trained enough to withhold your chopsticks,whichever way you are holding them, and stay away from the chickenfeet at Chinese dim sum restaurants. But some of you are show-offs.Most of the time, you are trying to prove to your Chinesegirlfriend's parents that you are so Chinese. "Look, I am eatingchicken feet. Mmm ... Good!"

　　你们中的大多数都能熟练使用筷子。但是，不管你们怎么拿筷子都请不要碰中餐馆里的鸡爪子。然而，还是有人喜欢炫耀。大多数时候，你想向女友家人证明你有多么“中国化”。“看，我在吃鸡爪子。嗯……好香！”

　　Don't do that.We really get annoyed when foreigners try to chomp on chicken feet.Sometimes, you are so polite, you don't spit out the bones, youchew them and try to swallow them. That's totally unacceptable.Because, when you do that, most Chinese start getting anxious about you choking to death on the damn chicken bones. And it is very difficult to enjoy dim sum when you are anxious。

　　千万别这么做！我们真的很讨厌外国人咬鸡爪子时的样子。通常，出于礼貌考虑，你不会吐出骨头，而是反复咀嚼试图将骨头咽下去。这完全让人无法接受。因为，当你这么做的时候，多数中国人开始担心你会被这些该死的鸡骨头哽死。而人们根本无法在忧虑中享受中式点心。

　　Sea cucumbers are not for you either. Most of you are rather intimidated by slimy sea things--jelly fish, sea cucumbers. But,there are those of you who are so brave that you insist on tryingit, and pretend to enjoy it. Most of the time, you are a foreign businessman, you don't want to offend your Chinese host by noteating the most expensive dish ordered。

　　海参同样不适合你。大多数外国人都对粘滑的海产品感到恐惧——例如海蜇、海参等。但是，也不乏勇敢之人坚持尝试，并装作很享受的样子。多数时候，这种事情发生在外国商人身上：他们不想因为拒绝享用最贵的食物而得罪了中国的东道主。

　　I've got somenews for you. Guess what? He didn't order it for you! He ordered itfor the Chinese at the table! Do you know how difficult it is to soak the sea cucumber? No one can master it in his own kitchen.Only the restaurants can. So stop trying to pick up the seacucumber with your chopsticks, it will probably end up in your lapanyway. Just politely put the untouched dish back on the lazysusan. We are not impressed by sea cucumber chivalry。

　　这里，我要透露点信息给你。你猜怎么着？这些都不是为你点的，是为同桌的其他中国人点的！你知道要发好海参有多难么？没有人能在自己家中烹饪海参，只有在餐厅才能吃到。因此，别用你的筷子夹海参了，因为它很可能就被堆在你的餐盘上而已。你只要礼貌性地将没碰过的海参放回旋转餐桌即可。我们并不会被海参骑士精神所感动。

　　Now fireworks. It is strictly, strictly for us Chinese. We reallydon't want you anywhere near fireworks. First of all, it is dangerous. You don't understand why 1.4 billion people have to turninto pyromaniacs for one night. It's totally beyond your comprehension. But we love it; we have been setting off these things since we were three and for 5,000 years. On the other hand,we Chinese have great tolerance for fireworks; it's one night whenyou can do some damage and get away with it. For example, you canburn a building down, a brand new building, with stuff in it. Howcan you comprehend that level of generosity?

　　接下来我们来说说烟花。这是完全属于中国人的。我们真的不想让你们接近它。首先，这很危险。你不会理解为什么14亿中国人在一夜间都成了“放火狂”。这的确超出你的理解。但我们喜欢烟花，我们从3岁起就开始放烟花，这传统已经流传了5000多年。另一方面，中国人对烟花有很强的忍耐力。那天晚上，即使你毁坏了事物也能逃避惩罚。例如，你可能烧毁了一栋大楼，一栋全新的大楼，里面甚至还有员工。这种水平的“豁达”你又怎能理解？

　　And, don't you dare try to do the same, we simply have no to lerance for it. Youtry to burn a building down, we will kill you, because, you wereprobably high, and we really don't give a hoot whether you are mentally disturbed or whether your prime minister is going to make endless harassing phone calls。

　　而你却不敢做这样的事，我们也不能容忍这样的事情发生。如果你试图烧毁一栋大楼，我们会杀了你。或许你只是贪图一时痛快闯下大祸，我们真的不在乎你是否精神上受到了干扰，也不在乎你们的首相是否会无止境地打来电话。

　　So, you betterbe good, you better be nice, because firecrackers are coming to town!

　　因此，你最好老实待着，因为人们要到城镇放烟花了！

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